096: LUA PULU ANNAM

Drive my own Beemer before I hit two six

A straight pink biting toothpicks
Who walk around town wit' two chicks

And doin' new hits to woo tricks.

So I've finally decided to be an obedient child and listen to my parents. I'm tired of being a rebel and it's about time I changed. And Alhamdulillah, thank you God. For showing me the light of obedience.

Be my playmate, Nia? Kak Cima promise I won't bite your tiny hands again.

Finally cancelled my trip to London. I'm trying to look at the bright side. Which is none. Wrong. I believe there's always, always something good out of the bad things that happen to you. Cancelled trip? No problem. More money, more AL to utilize. Seems like a fair deal to me.

Excited to get my refund. Boleh kahwin, haha!

095: FOR THE BELIEVERS

Semalam, ku telefon Tuhan dalam tahajjudku.

“Tuut, tuut… tuut, tuuut!” Terus diangkat. Dan sebaik sahaja kudengar talian di sebelah sana diangkat, saat itu terus ku luahkan isi hatiku bagai mencurah-curah ke ladang gandum!

“Wahai Yang Maha Agung, aku ini hambaMu. Aku menghubungimu semata-mata ingin mengadu padaMu ya Allah. Wahai Yang Maha Mendengar, aku ingin mengadu kepadaMu bahawa hatiku telah berlubang!”

“Wahai hambaKu. Jika Aku menimpakan suatu musibah ke atas kamu pada badanmu, lalu kamu menerima musibah itu dengan penuh kesabaran, nescaya di hari kiamat Aku malu untuk menegakkan bagimu neraca timbangan atau membuka buku catatan amalmu.” [1]

“Akan tetapi Allah, lubang di hatiku ini sangat menyakitkan. Dan ini juga bukan kemahuanku.”

“Wahai hambaKu, barangkali kamu membenci sesuatu, padahal ia amat baik bagimu, dan barangkali kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal ia amat buruk bagimu. Allah mengetahui, sedang kamu tidak mengetahui.” [2]

“Yang penting lubang di hati ini sangat dalam. Dan aku mohon pertolonganMu, mengapa tidak Engkau tutupkannya saja.”

“Jika sekiranya Aku mahu, nescaya akan Kuberikan kepadamu wahai kekasihKu. Akan tetapi telah tetaplah kata-kataKu: Wahai dunia! Pahitkanlah kehidupan para kekasihKu, janganlah sekali-sekali engkau memaniskannya, kelak engkau akan memfitnahinya.” [3]

“Oh begitu rupanya… Sungguh Maha Penyayang Engkau wahai Tuhanku, melindungi aku daripada fitnah dunia. Maka, sekarang aku memohon agar Engkau memberikan aku kekuatan ya Allah.”

“Sesungguhnya Aku sekali-kali tidak membebani seseorang, melainkan sesuai dengan kesanggupannya.” [4]

“Terima kasih Tuhan, bolehkah Engkau selalu mengingatkan aku di saat aku lupa wahai Tuhanku…?”

“Tentu. Sesungguhnya Akulah yang menciptakanmu dan mengetahui apa yang dibisikkan oleh hatimu, dan Aku lebih dekat kepadamu daripada urat lehermu sendiri.” [5]

“Tuhanku, aku sangat-sangat berharap Engkau sentiasa ada bersama denganku.”

“Wahai hambaKu, ketahuilah bahawa Aku sentiasa berada dalam sangkaanmu, dan Aku ada bersamamu ketika kamu menyebutKu. Bila kamu menyebut-Ku dalam dirimu, Aku menyebutmu dalam Diri-Ku. Bila kamu menyebut-Ku dalam khalayak ramai, Aku menyebutmu dalam khalayak yang lebih baik daripada itu. Bila kamu mendekat kepada-Ku satu jengkal, Aku mendekat kepadamu satu hasta. Bila kamu mendekat kepada-Ku satu hasta, Aku mendekat kepadamu satu depa. Bila kamu datang kepada-Ku dengan berjalan kaki, Aku datang kepadamu berlari-lari.” [6]

“Aku ingin menjadi hambaMu yang sebenar-benarnya wahai Tuhanku…”

“Tanda pengenalan hamba-hamba-Ku di hatinya terhadap-Ku ialah dengan menyangka baik terhadap qadar-Ku, tiadalah dikeluh-kesahkannya hukum-hukum-Ku, tiadalah dirasakannya lambat kurnia-Ku dan senantiasa malu berbuat maksiat.” [7]

“Wahai Allah! Sesungguhnya aku bersaksi bahawa tiada Tuhan yang layak disembah selain Allah. Dan aku berjanji akan selalu mengingatiMu lebih daripada segala yang lain.”

“Sesungguhnya Aku ini adalah Allah, tidak ada Tuhan (yang hak) selain Aku, maka sembahlah Aku dan dirikanlah shalat untuk mengingati Aku.” [8]

SubhanAllah. Alhamdulillah. Allahuakbar. La ilaaha illAllah. La hawla wala quwwata illa billah.

Lalu ku putuskan talian itu kerana ku tahu sebentar lagi akan ku hubungiNya lagi.

Terima kasih Allah.
Yang tak pernah jemu melayan kerenah ku.
Yang lebih dekat kepadaku berbanding urat leherku.
Yang Maha Pengasih lagi Maha Penyayang terhadap hamba-hambaNya.
Terima kasih ya Allah!

“Dan apabila hamba-hamba-Ku bertanya kepadamu tentang Aku, maka (jawablah), bahwasanya Aku adalah dekat. Aku mengabulkan permohonan orang yang berdoa apabila ia memohon kepada-Ku, maka hendaklah mereka itu memenuhi (segala perintah-Ku) dan hendaklah mereka beriman kepada-Ku, agar mereka selalu berada dalam kebenaran.” (Al-Baqarah: 186)

AL-Quran has all the answers to all our heartbreaks. It's either you want to mend the broken pieces or just go astray. Wallahu a'lam.

094: SOLD OUT

The worst news by far. The tickets are sold out! Finally broke down after so many crappy news lately. Emangnya gw ga ada rejeki kali. This is too much.

093: LOLWUT?

So it's time for the increment announcement. But not the actual figure, just the rough estimation on how they're rating the employees. Personally, I'm the kind of person yang cepat berpuas hati. I easily accept facts. This time, they're rating us based on every aspect. Performance, contribution, etc.

So I looked at myself as a third person lah.

They made us write a whole God-knows how many pages to say why we deserve an increment. Some ass-kissing is a must I guess.

So I said *not literally*, performance-wise, I'm one of the good ones. For the whole year, I only took MC once. I don't create drama, spread rumours and I diligently do my work. In my head, this is really my best show I've ever done. I organized events as well as contributing my time and effort for my committee's weekly newsletter. I even helped my not-performing-that-well colleagues with my notes so they could improve on their average handling time (AHT). Honestly, I personally feel that I've spent too much of my time thinking about work. Since work is my other boyfriend and stuff.

I didn't join the team outing in Genting because they were planning to get drunk. Just being in a group who drinks alcohol pun dah dikira haram. Bercampur lelaki perempuan pun haram. Nak tidur se-apartment, memang tak. I didn't join the Chillies outing because they serve alcohol. I could not spend most of my Saturdays with them because that's when I spend my time with my grandparents at Uncle Wahid's place, and sometimes there are weddings to attend. I personally think spending eight torturous hours at the office is enough with them. I don't spend time after work with them because I'm exhausted. And basically we have nothing in common. Cakap pasal bola, mabuk, perempuan, segala bagai yang I can't relate to.

So anyway, boss called me into the meeting room this morning. He told me, the ranking system is in the scale of one to five with five being the best. He finally told me, "So overall, based on my views, you're a three".

THREE????!

Aw hell naw.

092: BURN US

My best shot was not good enough. Every case I received, I had to request information from the customers, which means I delayed the case closure. We're supposed to close cases ASAP but with the customers not giving enough information, I couldn't just buta-buta close the cases. I need to make the customers happy by making the right decisions.

Being the fastest person in the department, gives me the chance to 'have the idea' of closing more cases to balance out the numbers. But then, memang nasib lah. The faster I went, the more requests I had to do. Nak berkejar AHT, tapi maintain information requests as well as taking care of the quality. Dafuq?

Ini adalah kerja seorang macai. Disebabkan saya seorang yang workaholic dan tak kisah dengan gelaran itu, saya berusaha untuk menjadi macai yang paling ngetop. Cita-cita saya tidak kesampaian kerana saya fail that one little detail by 2%. Thus, no bonus.

The possibility of getting RM800 melayang. Melayang. Tapi I tahu itu semua kuasa tuhan. I takleh jadi paling best all the time. Kadang-kadang I kena jatuh jugak. Tapi kenapa I kantoi dalam time yang I rasa I paling seriously careful?

Takde bonus, takde holiday, takde harapan ke? Tapi kan, sometimes I can see the bigger picture. The reason why I got the best performer award back in October, November and December which got me RM400 was because I wasn't gonna get this bonus. So alhamdulillah, at least I tak rugi banyak. Right? Meh.

I need to always look at the bright side. I kan dah besar.

PS: Sometimes I wish I'm working in a company that offers OT.

091: NO YURP THIS YEAR

AirAsia cancelled their routes to Paris and London starting April 1 so I wont be flying to Europe in May. However, trying some luck on getting alternative flight. Don't really mind going or not. Going means I can still climb up the Eiffel. Not going means I'm a coupla thousand bucks richer. I'd want to NOT get any flights though, so I can buy more important stuff. Or kumpul duit kahwin, haha. Taking it positive out of sh*t happening in my life.

Less materialistic I'm trying to be. These are the things that I NEED at the moment.

Room needs a makeover, too messy & crowded. I want fairy lights :D

My wrist has been naked for the past four years. Need a watch.

My C3 and S500i both are being real pain, so I need a new baby.

New glasses fo sho. Power sudah naik! Specs sudah longgar!

090: MATERIALISM

The more pricey stuff you own, the more worried you become.

An addition to my new year's resolution would be to be simpler than last year. I refuse to worry about my laptop, or handbags, or shoes, or clothes or whatever that costs more than what's written on my pay check.

089: 2012

2012? I'M READY!

088: RESOLUTIONS! *TBA*

Tongue stud

I love body piercings. I love love love body piercings. But I guess it's time to say goodbye to my tongue stud for good. It has tremendously helped me, truly! How?

Back in 2009, I've tried jogging at Tasik Kelana Jaya with Ili but I gained weight. I tried dieting but I gained even more. I tried skipping dinner but had no change. I've finally made up my mind to pierce my tongue some time in July 2010. For the whole year, my stud has been there for me, against all odds (dramatic).

But it would be kinda off, with the hijab on and with my piercing. I even have to cover2 when I talk so people won't be able to see it. I'm so tired of covering up. So I'm removing it for good! One day in 2012 :)

Have 36-24-35 figure
Couldn't find an appropriate picture lol.

So maybe I'll remove my stud once I've achieved my dream figure? Haha but I totes in love with it lah, it's the only piercing I have. My nose punya hole still ada but I don't think I'll stuff it anytime soon. Sudah-sudah la kot. Dah besar uols.

Solat 5x daily, InshAllah

Ini wajib wajib wajib patut #1 priority but since it's already a priority, it shouldn't be in this list. It's a known fact that solat is wajib. But mine isn't perfect so I'll do my best to be a good Muslimah. Amin amin.

Climb the Eiffel

Heading top of the Eiffel Tower! Serious this time I will!! And spend the whole evening at the park, then at night to see that colorful lights flashing the tower. Amin.

087: 2011 HIGHLIGHTS

January 2011
Saw my boyfriend's baby photos for the first time. Witnessed the paternal potentials in him. Fell in love with one of the Kardash. Found my another JJCM gang, Sher and Nisha. My first trip to Langkawi. Egypt Unrest, so worried about my cousin in Alexandria.

February 2011
Left Jetstar Airways. Finally got my Nokia C3. Went for my first job interview. Got accepted to eBay Inc. Woot.

March 2011
Had SAW marathon for a whole week. Mummy had thyroid surgery. House almost got burned down.

April 2011
TokTanKlan family day in PD. Started to hate dowry-talks. Started wanting to be unattractive. Starting working with eBay.

May 2011
Nina got engaged. Went to Europe (Paris, Rome, London, Manchester). Abadil nikah.

June 2011
Jet-lag's a real pain.

July 2011
Merah vs Kuning. Ili got married. Started wearing hijab alhamdulillah. Tom met with an accident. Uncle Din passed away, innalillah :( Aimie helped me go through the rough road. Thank you :)

August 2011
Raya!

September 2011
Tom was discharged. Had my first bonus. Excited!

October 2011
Third anniversary. MTP. Faiez graduated.

November 2011
Switched to Digi. Had period for over a month. Had my first ultrasound.

December 2011
Company's annual dinner. Adik's graduation. Been #1 at work for the past nine months. Thanks to Allah for these hands and eyes. Alhamdulillah.

086: KAHWIN KAHWIN

Horray! Two weddings done this month. Alhamdulillah, may Ashraf + Nadrah and Adzriefaiz + Suliza have a blessed marriage, dunia dan akhirat. InshAllah, amin amin :)

But anyway, I'm ever so happy to see my old party bunch at Liz's wedding. Bella, Kim and Neddy! Semua have gotten slim and slender. And Kim's boy is soooo adorable and sooo gawang! Seeing how people change and grow in a matter of years, makes it soo difficult for me to cope. Time flies, umm maybe tekan minyak so fast. Still remember how we always used to party at Hip Hop gigs and then lepak at the old mamak stall near KLCC (sekarang dah takde) every other Saturday. 2003 was really awesome, despite SPM. Sob sob.

And I've finally met Suzzy. It was rather nice to see her actually. Saw her in London airport a few months back, but I wasn't really sure if it was her, until she actually emailed me about it. But yeah, was nice and she's really warm. It's just that the situation we were in just happened at the worst of time and at the wrong people. If only it happened to someone else. Hah. I just hope we're 0-0, seeing we've both went on our own separate ways.

But anyway, just recently spent like RM200 on kain at Jakel. Tempah pulak RM240. HONESTLY WEYH. Orang lain kahwin is like macam orang lain yang kahwin nowadays. Boring betul ikut theme and all. But okay, boleh make them as baju raya. But still.

Do you know how tedious it is to iron chiffons?

SERIOUSLY!

Untunglah orang-orang sekarang ada maid. Hate it when kids say #untunglah, with the hashtag! Walawey, tampar nak?

I'm so happy cuz I've won the October and November incentive award at work. ALHAMDULILLAH! Now I need to spend RM400 and then claim it. Tak tahu nak beli apa. HELP!!! I was thinking of buying underwear, tapi segan pulak nak bagi receipt kat boss. Would be more awkward if they put in the SIZE in the receipt. Sheesh I dah la awkward sikit dengan boss after being so blunt the other day.

He asked me if I trusted him and I said no - I gave him reasons and now he's being awkward with me. But he's a bit more friendlier and rapat-rapat sikit because he said he wants to have my trust. Bukan tanak trust, tapi susah sangat for me to trust people. Even my own boyfriend, he doesn't even know my MySpace password.

Blah blah blah can't wait for the baju I tempah'ed!!! Now I need to find pretty hijabs to match them with. And I'm really a pashmina person. I need to change my look. Nahhhhhhhh.

085: DISPARAISSENT

Sans vous c'est comment je disparais :(

084: FOIS

I'm such an

UNGRATEFUL PIECE

of shit.

And I should let it go, yes I have let it go. Haven't I?

Everything is going too fast. Terkadang tersepit di masa yang tak terfikir pernah wujud. Hilang di dalam durasi. Terkadang kembali, pulang tanpa diminta. Sial.

Orang kata, bila kita sebut 'sebuah' tahun dan kita rasa tahun tu tak lama dulu, it means that it means something to us. "I opened an account in 2003". "Oh, baru lagi tu". Hello, 2003 was eight years ago. Baru lagi? Clearly, that year does mean something to that person. Something big has actually impacted that person in 2003. And it doesn't have to be 2003. I'm just giving an example.

Sometimes I'm still stuck in 2003. No, not 2003 but some particular years yang I can't get mind off of. Like 2006. I was 20 in 2006. Single for the whole year. That meant something to me, that I'm capable of living my life without a man next to me. Something like that. Are you still stuck somewhere in between your year of birth till recently?

STOP. Stop getting lost in time. Why?

Demi Masa

Sesungguhnya Manusia berada di dalam kerugian

Kecuali orang-orang yang beriman dan beramal soleh.

083: PAYPAL 101 (TUTORIAL)

Ramai pernah nampak logo or heard of PayPal but not many of us are aware of policies and such. So today I nak explain sikit pasal PayPal ni. If you notice, memang merata online shopping websites ada logo PayPal nih. Tapi what is PayPal? This is my personal definition.

PayPal is a platform for you to put your bank account and credit card information in order for you to shop online. When you have the details linked (added) to your PayPal account, you don't have to keep putting your credit card details when you do your online shopping. So basically it saves time and yang penting, it's free. You will not be charged any fee when you use your PayPal account to buy stuff online. Simple! :)

Why do I love PayPal? Apart from me working with them (market bukan dapat commission pun), I love how we, as buyers, are protected against scams and fraud activities. Let's say you beli barang kat eBay.com and barang you tak sampai or barang tu totally different than advertised, you can opt to get a refund back!

Banyak kedai kat luar sana when you buy from them, it's not exchangeable or non-refundable kan? But with PayPal, it's possible to be protected. As long as you file a dispute with PayPal within 45 days after you bought the item lah. And kalau barang tu totally not as described, then you can also get a refund using the same method, but you kena ship the item back to the seller at your own expense (mesti kena ada tracking number tau).

However I pun pernah dengar yang orang kata eBay ni banyak yang menipu, ramai yang kena scam. Memang la kena scam, pasal ramai antara kita yang tak aware tentang hak kita sebagai pembeli! Salah siapa? So lepas ni, know your rights and don't let people take advantage of you.

Lepas ada PayPal account ni, banyak gila barang I beli kat eBay. Belon la, dress la, USB cables la, diamonds la and even sports bra. So far, memang takde masalah because I truly believe that people are good and honest in general. Ye dok? Positif sikit! So far dah lebih 20 barang I beli online using PayPal and satu pun tak pernah kena scam. Sebab apa? Sebab sellers pun tahu yang buyers are protected against fraud activities. Sailap la kalau kau nak tipu duit aku kannn :)

Macam mana nak ada Paypal? Senang. Try these easy steps:

1. Go to www.paypal.com
2. Click on Sign Up (top right)
3. Choose account type (Personal account for individuals who shop online, Premier for individuals who buy and sell online or Business for merchants who use a company or group name).
4. Fill out your particulars and click Agree and Create Account
5. You'll get a notification on your email used to register with PayPal (so check your email and get your email verified)
6. Tadaaa! You're a PayPal customer now :)

Shopping yuk!!

Not so fast! If your PayPal account has no cash in it, obviously you can't buy anything right? So what I did was I linked my CIMB debit card to my PayPal account. Why CIMB debit card? Sebab CIMB debit card ni bagus in a way that you have to add/topup money to your card then baru you ada duit. So basically you boleh limit your belanja la (hint).

When you link your debit/credit card, PayPal will charge RM10 off your card. Tapi don't worry, you just need to wait till the next bank statement to get a PIN number. You will need that PIN number as a verification, and for your own safety (mana tahu ada orang guna your card kan? This way, you're already protected!) And bila you dah verify your card with the PIN number, you will get the RM10 back on your PayPal account! (not back to your debit/credit card). Tadaaa! Your debit/credit card is now verified!

So now you dah boleh start shopping macam I. As long as you have money in your debit card, you're good!

How PayPal deduct duit you?

Remember when you link your card dengan PayPal, and you dapat your RM10 back? Bila you shop barang harga (let's say) RM50. PayPal akan deduct the RM10 from your PayPal account, and the balance RM40 will be deducted from the debit/credit card yang you link to your PayPal. Gila cun tak? Takyah nak pening kepala dah kan? :D

I hope this tutorial is helpful to those who just started doing online shopping. If you need any clarification, feel free to comment me with your query or just ask PayPal! They're always there to help you.

Happy shopping!

082: EBAY IS HIRING!!!

IS HIRING NOW!

Location: Next to 1 Utama, PJ

Salary: More than the average in the market (not kidding!)

Shift: Morning, Evening, Night (depending on position *ask me*)

Allowance: Transport allowance and shift allowance (evening/night *ask me*)

Permanency: Permanent

Bonus: Four times a year (Once every three months)

Increment: Yearly

Insurance: Yes, insurance coverage worldwide

Uniform: None. Wear whatever you like!

Colleagues: Super crazy and fun

Environment: Chill

Resume: Your resume will be cooler

Plus: Be in one of the pioneer teams

Plus: Chance to move about laterally or upwards, even wherever across the globe (US, Europe, Australia, China, Hong Kong, Thailand, Singapore)

Promotion: Position upgrades

Stress Level: Less stressful than your current job!

Apply here: http://rfer.us/EBRtY4LLC 

Just mention my name Shima Samad, I'm more than happy to refer you.
As long as you tell me first lah, cool?

081: TOKTAN'S 87TH

Tok Tan's so lucky, he had the first rainbow cake in the family! :D

080: ADIK'S CONVO

I'm so totally in love with Dania Ifra Az-Zahra, my boyfriend's sister's baby girl. Dah la kepoh, adorable pulak tuh. Macam nak gigit-gigit je. Tapi memang dah puas dah gigit kaki dia. Hahaha cian dia nangis.

I looked crappy but whatevs. I'm a proud kakak! Kakak ke? =P


So Hana graduated last weekend with Early Childhood Degree from OUM (sorry for the crappy sentence) and it was exhaustingggg! Faiez and I had to babysit Nia, and being parents is like soo.. not.. what.. I.. expected.. but it was really nice! We didn't have to rush and kelam kabut and having a kid means we need to get ready WAYYYY earlier than we always do. Seriously! I'm not kidding. And quite honestly, Faiez did one hell of a job and he's a really amazing uncle. Bet he'd make a pretty awesome dad too.

Anyway, got my first dietary supplement called Jack3d! I just had it a few minutes ago and sitll waiting for the substance to kick in. I think it has. Can't type. I'm high.

079: ♥

Makin kulihat, makin tertarik. Barangkali hati semakin terpaut.

078: NOVEMBER RAIN

Going through each day feeling the same, and looking back and see that everything changes.

I've finally done one of my resolutions a few days ago. I've switched to DiGi :) To be honest, it doesn't mean anything if the other half is still holding on to that Maxis scum. After two weeks' worth of bebel, Faiez has finally switched too. Yay for my bebels.

A couple of months back, I had my period for a month plus. Thought I was dying. My gynae did the ultrasound test on me, I was kinda hoping there's a baby inside. Wouldn't it be nice to be pregnant. Kinda scary if you're not married yet though. But would be so cool to be pregnant on our own, like how we get our period.

Finally decided to work out again, after too many failures. I don't think I'm obese, though, kinda pretty maybe totally fat. Maybe not overweight, just having a little too much unnecessary fat on my belly. These need to go. They're slowing me down to be honest. Did I mention I'm low blood? Which explains why I keep losing my breath. Pancit jer. Googled somewhere and found out that I need to consume extra sodium chloride. In English we call it garam.. eh salt. But I hate salt. I had to gargle salt water when I had my tongue pierced, macam harams. Hated it. NO.

After the first trial, I'm gambling on to buy a sports bra again. This time, this company ships to Malaysia. Yay! And I paid with PayPal. They can't mess with me this time. I've bought soooo many stuff on eBay lately. Even bought three USB adapters for no reason. But they're pretty useful. So no loss.

Company's annual dinner in December, bought a dress from eBay for RM70. Pretty good bargain  for a cocktail maxi. Bought one size bigger, cuz Korean size has got nothing on me. Haha seriously, I bought a chiffon maxi sundress and it couldn't fit although it was free size, I ended up making it a skirt. Their boobs are like the size of my tummy. it's either theirs are small, or my tummy's a big-ass giant. Either way, can't fit me la. Sad.

Ahhh weddings. Gotta attend three weddings with two themes each. So that's six baju I have to make. In my family, kalau orang lain kawin, orang lain yang kena spend. Best kan? I think that's why I kinda don't like weddings. But I'm trying so hard to like them so I can attend whenever I'm invited. Battling against myself here, appreciate la skit okay :p hehe

077: RAYA UPDATE

Wow! It's been a month of silence! Before I start, I'm typing with my phone so pardon my Francais.

Meet my baby cousin, Alexandria Nur Calif. She makes straight Japanese faces. 

Hahahha toldcha!

Hari Raya was amazing. Tokne made her nasi tomato, daging special ahh don't even know the name but I need to learn the recipe. I believe I can cook. Believe je lah, haha. Well raya was good. Balik JB and visited Tok Ngah and Tok Nah. Both are ill now. Dulu diorang sihat walafiat but they're getting so old that I don't even recognize them. Mmg nampak muka lain skit. When nak salam, he was like 'Laaa Shima!! Waa dah besar dah dia' erm padahal last year dah jumpa. He's still one of my faves. He taught me a magic trick using a ring :p nanti i demo.

I only went to JB for like two days? Had to work on the fourth day, unfortunately. This year buat a small open house for my officemates. It was fun. Selalu yang datang rumah Malays je. Bila other races datang, macam meriah je! Suka sangat. Hope I can do this again next year, inshAllah.

One of my 2011 resolutions is fulfilled - MTP. T'was the scariest thing ever, like having to see the principal. Like literally, I was seeing one. Lol! Officially in love with Dania Ifra Az Zahra. She's soooo adorable! My bouncy little penguin girl, she is! Alhamdulillah shukr. I have another baby sister =D

076: PACK YOUR BAGS

Pack your bags. We're going on a guilt trip.

At first my family confirm tak balik JB, so I expect nak kerja je on raya. Then my dad decided to balik kampung jugak, tinggal I sorang at home. But susah gila nak gi kerja, considering I start work at six.

Anyway, I've a friend who has just lost his dad a couple of months ago. He gave up his raya leave, saying "Nothing to celebrate about". He insisted me to take the leave as I kind of needed it. That means I can go beraya in JB with my family. But then, it really feels like I'm celebrating because of someone's sadness? I don't know what it's called but guilty la sebab orang tu tak beraya sebab dia takde ayah, and I selamba "take over" his leave untuk pergi celebrate raya happy-happy.

I feel really bad. Dah banyak kali I asked him "you tanak balik Johor ke?" and he said no - he said yes an hour earlier kot. Guess I'm not made of steel after all.

075: I FEEL IT TOO

A friend and I were talking about how Ramadan's about to end. I feel the sadness too :(

074: CAMBIARE

Gila remaja amik gambar kat Tutti Frutti seh!

I'll be honest, I'm cainotophobic. I hate changes - good change, bad change, change of heart and everything in between. Maybe I should replace "hate" with "fear". Maybe I fear changes. The fear of not going to be able to adapt and control what I already have all this while.

But changes occur. Some may like it, some may not. Many hated how it started but I had more supporters behind me. To me, compliments don't necessarily mean someone looks 50% prettier or more attractive. It's just how people show their support for the changes and the process you're going through.

I have thought about it, contemplating something I shouldn't. People didn't change me, I did. Whatever people say, it's from the mouths of men. And this change, it was straight from Him. If I can't handle changes, I sure heck couldn't handle this. Alhamdulillah, instead of lightening my burden, He gave me a stronger back.

On the first day, they gave me this look - disgusted with me. I wasn't ready for the swords, but I had a strong foundation as my shield. The top cynical questions and statements I've received by far:

1. "OMG what happened?" (dengan suara horror gila macam nampak orang accident)
2. "Seriously though, why?" (cynical tone and nada tak puas hati)
3. "You pakai sebab you dah nak kahwin ke?" (suara kerek yang bagi orang sakit hati)
4. "Oh sorry, kita tak boleh kacau dia. Dia kan dah jadi ustazah sekarang."
5. "Shima, ada budak baru kat luar. Hot kot! Oh lupa, you nak orang yang pakai kopiah je kan."
6. *Laughing at my face* (when I was betulkan the shawl)
7. "Haiya, I'm going to miss your hair! Your hair very nice one."
8. *Everyone was talking nonsense and one of them were like* "Jangan kacau Shima dowh, dia dah bertaubat skang"
9. "You pakai pun sebab bulan puasa je kan?"
10. -

You know what's funny? That mostly yang kaki perli ni semua orang Islam. When the non-Muslims questioned me, it was fine because they didn't understand the concept - at all. To them, kalau dah bertutup tu meaning orang tu nak kahwin dah. But other than Allah suruh, I said it's for my own protection against attraction/distraction/destruction. They laughed, thinking I was kidding. They were like "Hmm, specifically?" while looking at the guy who's been stalking me on Facebook. I wanted to laugh but I was too nervous. Can you imagine, I lagi nervous dengan apa orang akan cakap pasal I padahal bukan diorang yang bagi I rezeki. Allah does, and I should be thinking of what He'll say. My mind was clouded by the thoughts of being a joke to people. Nauzubillah.

I've been getting positive feedback from my old schoolmates, random friends and my family members with my sudden change. Nak kata I randomly change tak jugak. Dari last year I nak try tapi takut apa orang akan cakap. About time I'm being unnoticed because I've been complaining how I hated the unwanted attention from insignificant men. And alhamdulillah my prayers (and some other people who have been praying for me) were answered.

Alhamdulillah, setiap yang buruk, mesti ada yang baik. And I believe when we're sincere, we'll attract good things/people. Tak perlu nak cari kawan-kawan yang baik sebab kawan-kawan yang baik tu sendiri yang akan datang kat kita (inshallah). Dulu I setakat cakap je tapi sekarang I memang percaya benda tu because alhamdulillah it happened to me too.

I have a friend, Aimie yang I tak rapat pun during high school (she was a prefect) and I was a latecomer almost every day (ala-ala rebellion la konon). Somehow we became quite close since my recent transition. No actually, she saw my tweet about her. I said something about being her biggest fan (lol!!) because she's such a role model.

She saw it, kinda embarrassing for me to be your friend's groupie, and kinda funny for her cuz she was Google-ing herself! We talked for a bit, and she saw the potential in me that she decided to donate her old hijabs to me! OMG?! Of course I said no lah, ada ke amik barang free, gila tak malu apa? But she really² insisted. Ya Allah, only God knows how thankful I was (I even cried) because at times like these, tengah pokai sangat tapi desperate for new hijabs, she was there to help me through. She also offered to teach me to wear the hijab since I was such a major nooblet. Semoga Allah selamatkan dia dunia akhirat sebab tolong orang buat benda baik.

Ignore tudung I yang gila takleh bla herot² pls!

Sampai sekarang, I'm still amazed with the beauty of Allah's work. Maybe it's karma, qada' or qadar, tapi I still believe setiap yang baik akan dibalas baik. Inshallah.

073: RANT

I tahu you tahu yang I suka simplicity. And I juga tahu yang you tahu yang I juga suka eccentricity. I tahu benda yang simple kebanyakannya murah dan benda yang unique selalunya agak mahal. Haritu you bilang sekian-sekian, dan I pulak kata okay sebab itu yang I nak tapi belum beritahu you je. So tadi bila you kata you nak simple, I kata okay sebab memang itu yang I nak.

Tapi tiba-tiba sekian-sekian tu you dah tukar, so I dalam hati kata haritu you kata lain, harini cakap benda lain. You nak mana satu ni? Bila you cakap something, boleh tak jangan jadi belit? Sebab I dah pening nak follow you punya pusing-pusing tu. So sekarang lu nak merajuk pulak. Tapi guess what? I pun dah malas nak pikiaq benda yang tak confirm. Selagi tak beli tiket flight, selagi tu holiday takkan jadi. Sebelum nak pegang tiket, lebih baik cari sen dulu.

I dah penat la babe nak accommodate semua benda yang I buat untuk you. Takkan setiap kali you tukar fikiran, I asyik nak kena adjust plan I? Belajarlah stick kat satu benda. Satu persatu. You jangan gelojoh.

Kalau nak make a difference pun, fikirlah keadaan sekeliling. You tak tanya I kalau I setuju ke tak. Kalau nak buat team, kita kena sekepala. Takleh nak fikir kepala hotak you je. Kata nak sehidup semati.

072: TUDUNG DULU-DULU

orang semua cakap blog kak senduk ni asyik nak maki orang je...so sempena nak ramadhan ni akak nak cerita skit pasal tudung.

071: RAMADAN KAREEM

Ramadan Kareem!

May Allah bless us all with faith, patience, kindness, strength and forgiveness this Ramadan. I'm glad, alhamdulillah, someone out there has been praying for me and inshallah I'm on the right track. Then again, maybe no one has. Maybe it's always been me all along. But alhamdulillah, the prayer's answered. Ramadan's here again :)

This year I won't be heading down south as I'll be working. However I might so a week earlier if someone wants to spend time with me or after Eid if there'll be time constraints. I have vowed to, inshallah, perform a perfect 150 fardhu prayers this holy month and hopefully I just won't stop there. Oh God, I don't think I'm strong enough without His guidance.

But anyway, I've got a feeling that it'll be a nice and simple holiday season this year. I've always been a fan of simplicity and the time has finally come! No more baju raya vogue² too much. I might be getting another few kurungs too :D

Today's the first day of Ramadan, and I just made caramel pudding for iftar. Anyone up for it? *mmmm*

070: DEAR YOUNG ME

Dear young me,

You'll end up speaking a weird language with your sister. Keep doing that, it makes you both closer.

Those boys on mIRC won't make you a happy girlfriend. They're only in for the operator status. You'll have a great time knowing people as long as you're on IRCnet and Webbernet. Being an op means nothing.

Instead of sitting at the far end in class, trying sitting in front of the teacher and pay attention. There's no use being a rebellion in a all-girls school. During additional mathematics, think and write all the answers. Maybe use Google wisely, like getting information on History? Maybe change course! I know how much you want to be a dentist, but it's just not gonna work. You'll like doing management work better - if only you took Finance and Accounting :)

During your final year, there will be a boy who will capture your heart and you'll meet him at a party. Both of you will think that you're Bonnie and Clyde. Don't give him face, he'll kill you in the end, and befriend you years later.

After school, don't be so so full of yourself. Family first, boyfriends come third. Those boys are insincere and they only want to have a pictures or two with you. Never listen to a boy too much, they lie and cheat. You'll end up crying yourself to sleep. After getting hurt and surviving multiple love attacks, try getting yourself closer to God. He's the most Loving and Merciful of all. He wants to teach you the different types of men you need to meet. Wear a hijab and protect yourself from the wrath of men! Muahahaha.

Young me, never date a boy who's prettier than you, who has a straighter hair than you, nicer teeth than you and more famous than you. One cannot be a rockstar here unless he's Faizal Tahir. Unless they're FT, boys in bands will only break you with their dumb groupies. Stab him with the drumsticks and hit him with an Ibanez.

Don't be so timid - rebel as you may. Weird people fall for your sopan-ness it's not even funny. Some boys think you're the "Last Malay Girl" at the office. Prove them wrong; pierce your tongue.

When you're with someone, don't be too happy and pig out - diet and quit drinking sodas. Start saving on ASB once you have a job. You'll love it. Start settling off your PTPTN loan too. You won't regret it.

You'll meet someone nice after breaking up with the kid who's already with a girl for seven years from the North. He's not good for you. Delete him from MySpace. This will happen when you're 21. At the same year, there will be a guy who will kill you, and save you eight months later. He will step on you and suffocate you and leave you out to die, and save you again. Forgive him. Check his phone every now and then. Check his email, rob his money and check his wallet. You'll be surprised. He will be so full of surprises in the long run.

Let him finish the story for you.

069: TRAGIC

It's been a tragic weekend for the family. My soon-to-be brother-in-law Tom and his father met with an accident in Puchong. He was sick and was reaching home from the clinic. They crashed into a parked bus while avoiding a long trailer. Uncle Jamaludin passed away (innalillah), and Tom was rushed to the intensive care unit.

He broke most of his right arm and leg, fractured his skull, rib, cheekbones and eye socket. There were bruises, tengok pun memang sakit nak telan. Tahlil at his place for three nights in a row, semoga roh Uncle J dicucuri rahmat and ditempatkan di kalangan orang-orang yang bertaqwa -insyaAllah. I couldn't even think of this day, but Allah is great. Tom was very, very lucky to be alive (and so are all of us today).

The first time I visited him, he was still unconscious. It was one of the most emotional moment for me, because I've never loved anyone's significant other more than I love my sister's fiance. I whispered to him, telling him to stay strong and never to give up on Allah and His plans for him. He's a cheerful, funny and crazy person and I really like him for that. He's the one who made me want to get iPhone 5 after showing me how to play that stupid Angry Birds and baseball game on his iPhone 4. But last week, there he was lying in bed, helpless. Ya Allah, please save my brother :(

I came for the second time and he could open his eyes a bit already, alhamdulillah. I couldn't forget the way he was trying to find me when I was just beside the bed, after saying goodbye. It really killed me. But on my third visit, he smiled at me ever-so-sweetly. Ya Allah, seksanya nak senyum balik. I was too touched and happy, only God knows how I felt. I can't wait for him to recover and get out of ICU.

I just can't go on writing about this..

068: WE WERE ALREADY HIGH THEN

 

 

 

 

 

We were ;)

067: WEDDING SPEECH

*Clink clink!* Attention please!

Let's do this a little bit Masalay style!

I met Ili Liyana at Jerry's Tutorials (Downtown SS3) in 1997, but we weren't close because I was the loner type and she was always with Marina. I guess I was the only female SKKTian, considering almost everyone was from KJ1 and KJ2. We met at a time when both were so selekeh and kinda kodi but we accepted each other the way we were. I don't think anyone were fake during those days.

We always hung out in class with Dania too circa 2000 and always spent time guy-staring. I guess that's the only fun and daring thing we did in our school years :P Ili and Dania went to the same school SMK Seaport before it was named SMK Sri Permata (I feel old already!). She eventually moved to SMK (P) Sri Aman in Form 3, in the same class as Aimi.

We were in different classes but still hung out during recess (that's when I arrived at school, haha!) I was closer to my classmates, so was she with Aimi and other Science Erat-ians. During university years, we all kinda split up. Aimi in UiTM Shah Alam, Ili in MMU Cyberjaya, Dania in UiTM Shah Alam (Music) and I was in Unitar. We didn't have time to hang out.

Strangely, Ili and I became closer than ever since Speedzone 2006 (ada ar sebab dia, haha!) We chilled almost weekly (with Apan and some others too), shared all those sappy gossip stuff and shisha'd until lebam. We had our first time going for a vacation with friends instead of family and we had the time of our life. *Sigh!*

The four of us formed AIDS in Ramadan 2007, which stands for our initials. I love these girls! As cliche as this may sound, they've always been my pillars of strength. *group hug!!!* Awww.

God knows how many boys I've been talking about from that period till now. Ili's been the best listener and bebel-er ever since. She was my decision maker and her opinions matter a lot to me. She was in her last few semester in MMU and started working part time at MATTA Fair 2008. That's when she met Ikas but they remained friends - not sure when they made it official though but some time in April-ish?

Awal-awal dulu banyak jugak drama, yang lawak gila and cannot go but they'll remain in our memories. Since Dania flew to the States, we only had AIS - every time we looked at each other, we felt hungry. In my life, I guess I've been the fattest during this period. Oh thanks a lot korang!!

Ikas eventually manned up and propose to her and they got engaged in February. They finally got married last weekend, alhamdulillah! After so many migraines, sleepless nights, unstable period cycles and constant PMS tanpa mengira bulan. Phew, lega. I'm glad they made the right decision.

Ikas is such a lucky guy. Ili pandai masak, kemas rumah, sopan santun, lawo pulak tuh. Untung badan, Ikas! And Ikas is a sweetheart, rajin kerja, pandai ambil hati, senyuman manis, suka makan. I love them together!! I just can't imagine them not. They're such a perfect combo.

I wish deeply from the bottom of my heart that their marriage will last till the end of time. Insyallah if Allah grants you guys rezeki, please have fat babies so I can pinch and punch them. Aimi, Dania and I can be their godmothers, yay! And Ili's mom told me to keep the friendship alive and never let it die. Of course Auntie! Friendships don't die because of marriage! Kan? *fingers crossed*

I LOVE YOU GUYS!
XOXO

066: MY-KONOS!

Greece. Top of the list.